The mind

 I speak in riddles, or not to the point. That is true and i notice it. But i can't help it. I wish not to have an over-criticising tone or to offend any one. Conflict is what breeds hatred, and i have no time for any of that. Over time, i may change this habit of mine. Until then, predators stalks their prey from dawn until dusk.

From the heart

    Everything has a positive and a negative effect. for example, in war, there will always a victor, and a loser. The people who suffered, and those who prospered. In terms of wealth, it requires time and dedication. Most successful businessman/woman always devote most of their time to their business. Leaving just a small portion of their PRECIOUS time for their family. Some will give excuse, saying that the business is for their family. Some will also say that they got too caught up on their success, which acts as a catalyst for their efficiency to work. It is always like that. The first intention was always true, and good. It's for the family. Over time, the goal changes. It starts when they see how successful they can become, and when that happens they left behind the true purpose of their business. That is how I see it. Stress starts to accumulate from work, due to human errors or from difficult tasks. This is when they can't control their emotions and let it out on the family, Which causes family problems. mostly to their children, and the partner. The start of selfish actions. What would be the purpose of the money if there's no one to share it with? If you can't even enjoy it aside from luxury. Luxury is the least form of satisfaction. What all family need is love. What all people should have. By the time the successful are old, they would've lost trust with their family member. Or would've changed them into what they have become. In any case, the heart would be tainted. Taint breeds evil, which prospers in every shadow of the heart.  Thus breeds generations of people like these. Sometimes, being successful is not from the views of wealth, but from happiness. As a family. As i write these ideas of mine, influenced by music, I hope that i will never be tainted. Wealth is nothing compared to happiness. Then again, the source of happiness in today's world comes from wealth. Abandoning the pleasures of the world would be the most preferred way to prevent from taint, and being humble.

3rd December, 2012

   Sniff the air. You know what that smells? holiday. It smells of holiday. I'm listening to paramore 3am in the morning, trying to find the right song for the right mood. What's my mood right now? Calm. Relaxed. Independent.  Switch artist. The maine. Feels right. While I'm listening to music, browsing the web would be an instant reaction (well, right now it's an exception) This is how i spend my holiday. At night.

A post a day keeps the exam papers away (i wish)

23rd October 2012.

     Midnight. exactly 12.00. 9 hours from now i'll be having my AICT exam. I should have anxiety, or some type of symptom with fear in its checklist, but i feel nothing. Like O levels, this, sometimes feel meaningless. I await for AC3, my savior, my hero, my ticket to a world supposedly narnia-like. Traveling back in time, where people don't concentrate much on studies, where life is mostly made up of adventure, where paradise exist. Knowledge is power, or so they say. But in some circumstances, knowledge is nothing. A bullet to the head will kill knowledge and everything else within a man. So let me rephrase that: Knowledge is power, if you're still alive. But, then again, there are different types of settings, or circumstances. Thus the rephrase is not applicable to all situation. AICT... Then Psychology. All that i can do now, is wait and pray for the best. To be honest i have not done much to get a good outcome for this examination. I, in the first place, merely wanted to try it out. To test my skills too. But, as always, exam is a 'drag'. Sucks being at the bad side of the road when everyone else is enjoying their life. But, i am not alone. My fellow 'dude', Mutzakkir, if you are reading this, then... sucks to be you. I know the feeling dude. Bitching on floor laughing my ass off. It feels inappropriate giving a personal message to a person in a blog entry. Well to hell with it. 12.12am. 7 hours until hell school, and exam.

Death is overated nowadays. though, the average death per day is about a thousand or even more. Still, some deaths are more important than others. For instance, the death of michael jackson. His death is known to the world. I see death as the quickest escape to everything. It's like, quitting a video game. Though, there is no new game in this game of life. Like everybody said,You Only Live Once. Death... a martyr's death would be nice.

To Mina:
If you're reading this, i'm happy that you're still reading my blog. I just want you to know that I'm ok with whatever you do. But, I'd like you to speak a lot more than i do. Ask more too. I know that you're shy, you need time to open up. But if you don't try now, I'm afraid you'll not going to improve much. This could affect how you interact with others. Interaction plays a big part in the future. Especially in business. If i ask you why you're shy, I know the answer. The only way is to practise speaking with other people, about anything. The only advise i could give when you're speaking is to be serious. even if it's about yesterday's activity. I'm not going to address this to you, unless you address it to me. I've devised an activity for us to do to help you become more confident. That is, if you address this matter to me. Happy Holiday.

It's May! The Fifth month. and also my birthday... For my first...umm... change, i'll start making videos again(since i just installed FCE again...). There's a lot of good games coming out in may, and there aren't enough time to play. I guess i just have to choose the best ey? So stories... there will be plenty to tell for next time. I guess.

It's been a long time since i blogged (not really). Finally, the assessment week is over! freedom! (again, not really) So... recently, there was a lot of changes. First, my crush said the word that i never really thought would be possible. Yes. It's hard to process it at first. Like someone hitting you in the head with a shovel, the world stopped turning. I tried to rewind what happened. But life had no rewinds. only dejavus  I never thought it would happen. She was right. If you put your mind into just about anything, you could accomplish it. One thing appears after another. After you accomplish something, sometimes you get stuck. Lost. Afraid. Dreams are made from goals, and in my case, goals were never meant to happen. i was a right back in football anyway Now, i intend to keep things as it currently is. Trying to keep the relationship, and also to keep my studies in check. I keep saying to myself not too long ago, that if i ever have a relationship, my first would be my last. It is, nearly impossible. But possibilities are endless. picking up a pen could result in an earthquake. Whatever happens, I'll just do what i think is right. Second, There is no second. I merely want to say the first

Random story #2:
     Madness had struck in the city of Kardol. Everywhere Barthos see, his visions were met with flames. These were no ordinary flames, as they were as blue as the sea but hotter than normal fires. He tried to recall what had happened before any of this event occured....

      6 hours ago. Business were flowing as usual. At the town centre, people were doing about their normal rountine. Farmers came to the town to stock up their fertilizers, Hundreds of people came to different stores to buy their neccessities. It was another day in the town square. A large scream was heard at the edge of the marketplace. When Barthos turned he was surprised at the gore violence of a commoner beheaded by a hooded man. The victim was dead before his decapitated head thump the ground. The marketplace suddenly got quiet. Everyone, shocked to see the raw carnage of a man getting his head cut off. Much to everyone's surprise, there was another scream. This time, it was more than just a voice. It could be easily be misinterpreted to be a choir... TO BE CONTINUED

The sky darkened. The light dimming. It was a new look for the compound. Beautiful in a way. Yet the people who ventures around it were not affected by it. The air was tense by the pressure radiating from the students. Assessment was still in progress. Only 2 more, then things will go back to normal. Or not...

I have a lot of respect towards SMSSA students. most of my friends are from that school. well, most of my friends who i like (not like-like, get the point?). Although the students from SMSSA in meragang are the senior batches, i still have a lot of respect for them. They are, from my village, or neighboring village. I think of them as kinsman. It is nice to hear that most of them got good o level results. At least i still know the rules of engagement. You respect them, they respect you back. Even though i didn't go to that school, i had always wanted to. Since the whole spn 21 thing started. 2 years suffering... 2 LONG years...

One week. I just need to seriously study for one week. I missed hanging out with her. No matter, its just one week. My cousin had his birthday party today. Sadly, i didnt come. Instead, my dad brought us to see act of valor. Its an inspiring movie and has a lot of heroism in it. Moral of the story is to be brave. When death comes, dont hesitate to embrace it. Just do it. A teacher once told me that when you study, dont plan it. There is no mood in studying and never will be. She is absolutely right. Im trying to do just that.

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Problems. The topic for today is problems. Everyone have problems, though some don't seem like they have one. People tend to hide it. Some people share their problem, to lessen their burden. One of my problem is tests. Every test i got its always on the border line. Its started when i first hated ms. I thought it would go away if i changed school but old habits die hard. Another problem is misinterpretation by people. Whenever i walk/hang around with a girl, my friends give me a creepy smile, and started teasing. No matter how hard i try to tell them the truth they just don't want to digest it. Lately i've been dissapointed at myself. I can't seem to concentrate. I know i can do better at studies, and tests. I think there's too much distraction. maybe. I wanna be alone for a while. to get my bearings back. But i can't risk seeing her sad. I just can't...

9th april 2012. I've attempted to confess to her how i feel about her. It was a poor attempt to say the least. On and on imaginations have been playing on my head on how i should tell her for weeks. No matter. I just want her to know. I dont expect anything to happen. Its just nice the way things are now. Its also nice to know that she's been keeping facts about myself. Heh, im quite surprised. Two more weeks until the assessment week. Its a good time to start.

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These past few days, school is getting bussier. Tests are going about and first assessment is coming. So, vigorous studying should be at least a week before that. What else is new... Ah! Nothing... To past this un-updated times, i will be writing random stories. Feel free to comment in the chatbox or something. Random story #1:

The sky reflected the sea. Blue in colour, but they can't reflect their movements. That, makes the sea so unique. The tides created by the moon made the sea so... wave-ey. Everywhere you see there's only water, and at the edge of the earth the sea and the sky meets. Although it is beautiful, it houses many of the deadly predators. There are also rumours of creatures as old as the dinosaurs, waiting for an unfortunate victim to strike. The sea... In all its beauty, has also an insidious side. As all light has their own darkness...

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Feeling another vibe again... This time, is from fate/stay night. Recently i've been rewatching every show i've watched ( except school days. That show is too depressing). How should i describe the female protagonist of fate/stay night? She was a noble, who became a servant fighting in a holy grail war. Her eyes were evergreen, which shines during the night filled with confidence and determination. She carried the burden of her country in her shoulder, always wanting the best for her country. Her posture was straight and she was well mannered, as expected from a noble. She wears an emotionless face, which was in a way beautiful. She has a golden hair, neatly tied in a shape of a petal-less flower. Even though it is ironic that a noble became a servant, she didn't care, because she was summoned to protect, and protect she did. Rest in peace, king arturia.

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Lets see... today my family just got back, school's getting busier and i got an electric guitar! Just what i'd imagine it to be...Awesome. So... school. I think things are pretty much ok. I'll just increase my effort of studying. At least i don't hate school as i used to. Oh, yea, Meg's birthday was yesterday. Happy Belated Birthday Meg!!! goodluck in life, and in music.

People say Brunei is blessed. I agree. We dont experience over-population, insufficient food, riots, and all the other stuff the whole world experienced. We dont even have debts (country wise). So why do the people still complain? Why do some people want to move out? In my opinion, its because we crave for more of what we dont have. Its just within our nature. You'll never appreciate what you have until its gone. Majority of the population likes to keep up with the trend. Say, you have an iphone, and recently the new generation of iphone comes out. Most of your friends got that. And to stay in the same level as them you bought the new one. But do you really need it? I'd say no. Need and want is an entirely different thing. Like my friend said, "don't believe in the devil". (actually its supposed to be 'give in' but who cares)

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Cheese~ a random word, eh? These coming days im gonna eat plenty of cheese... Alone... In my room... Doing... Uh, stuff. My family's going to kl for 3/4 days. But that's okay. I have another family in my school. Not really a family, but i like to call it though. Heh, it's Still in progress. I envisioned a happy family... Where everyone smiles and enjoy school. But what i really like is to see her smile, and for her to be happy... Actually, she's the only family i got for now...

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I hope that my name's gonna be under the music cca tomorrow. cca is the best place to find people with the same interests as yours, and my interest is to form a band. a band... maybe we'll right our own songs. heh, i dont mind performing for free everyday in the lobby.

Its strange how music can pull you up or pull you down. The melodies can go deep into you. from your ears to your heart. If you ever find yourself lost, sad, stressed out, i'd recommend to anyone to hear indie rock genre. some of the good bands are the summer set, the maine, meg and dia and tonight alive. life is a playground. go have fun. do what you love. and excel.

Sadness? Despair? Mixed emotions bubbling inside me. Feeling a little like dejavu. The last time i felt like this i got left behind by the person i adore. Ah yes, i remember walking with her, talking as we walk. For about 1 month i'd spent doing that. I got caught up with that until i realized i fell for her. That is, until i found out she already had a man. Ah, that broke me. To see her walking with her man, ignoring me even if im right in front of her. And to think she was lonely. Never judge a book by its cover. Thankfully, as time passed by, i moved on. But this is not the same. It is difficult to put into words. Trying to please her and at the same time careful not to temper with her heart. She will always have my full support.

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I had a great day today. Mostly because i spent my ps with her. Its the first time that she wants to hangout with me. I just hope she had a great time too...

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ideas can be a dangerous weapon, if you know what im saying. If someone agrees upon your idea, they will support you. And when you have support, you have power. If it builds up, you can do anything you want. So long as you have support. Recently, ive been viewing people as a threat. Heck, ive always been that way. Mostly because of their facial expressions. This defies the very code i believe in; looks can be deceiving. Sometimes, i sense hostility in the air. Especially near a group of people. Gangs if you want to put it that way. Because of this, ive always been a loner. Not wanting to accept people. Even in class, i dont participate sometimes. Criticsizing people of what they are. Lame, dull, boring, but mostly lame. Maybe this is because of the lack of originality in their activities. As the quote says; been there done that. Maybe if i accept things as how they are, ill enjoy them. Become more positive. And with that, more stronger and brighter. But ive always been picky with... Everything. Girls, friends, teachers, books, games, cartoons etc. Things will change, if i believe it will and do something about it. Things will change...

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hang on. that's what i've been telling myself. things will change. they always do. even now, i could feel it. things are changing. school has, life has, and friends. so hang on, to life.

2nd term

so tomorrow school starts.... nooooooo! i havent achieved anything during the holiday.. havent arranged my sleeping time =.= usually i sleep like about 2 in the morning. and wake up about... 10. oh sh%t! gotta sleep!

Light is blinding my eye. Is it trying to kill me? or distract me. Whatever its objective is, i do not know. It relies on it's friend, the light bulb. "For what do you want, thou shall have it" I said. Silence. "speaketh you, for i-yeth know you-eth can-eth,". Still, silence. Is it mocking me? Am i not worthy of even its voice? Or doesn't it understand me. "Apa kau mau, sang lampung?". Again with the silence. I give up. Trying won't make a difference. Restlessness starts to overtake me. I guess, silence is what it wants. I have no choice now. I tried to avoid it but, i guess its time to hit the off switch...

2nd term is about to start. i still havent decided whether i should go to jis or not. though it seems like im more in favor of going to jis. i still havent finished my homework. looks like its gonna be a long day tomorrow. i'll try to finish the aict assignment today. ugh school works...

Angel Beats! one of those anime's that would leave you depressed or sad that it has ended. I tried to avoid watching animes as it always makes me depressed at the end of the title. But, i couldn't resist the cute girls, the well constructed story and most of all, the love they developed. Why? Because it is what I'm searching for in the real world. But to replicate what happened in the anime is literally impossible. Thus watching animes would create like a second world where you could escape the normal routine of the real world. and with that, i'd say life isn't perfect, but we'll try to make it so...

Its march now. time pass by so fast, and i haven't accomplished much. Everyday, i look out the window, trying to figure out what has changed. It's all the same to me, but now i know that things do change. As time pass by, we are changing goals. pursue-ing goals. People come and go in our life. That got me wondering. What are we going to do after our goal had been achieved? Eternal rest(death)? Sometimes i question myself what are we doing in this world. Religion wise it would be to worship god, until the end of time. But what then? After the end of times, we get judged and then sent to heaven and hell, to live forever then. As though there is no such thing as eternal rest. All we could do now, is wait...

back!!!

blog! i miss u! nahjust joking. sorry for not posting anything. ive been kind of busy. when i mean busy i mean lazy. so the latest update. 1) ive transferred school 2) i am still 15 3) it's 2012!!! 4) i am really happy i transferred. thats all there is to say for now, so, tune in next time!